"These
things won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time
approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not
despair, for these will surely come pass. Just be patient! They
will not be overdue a single day!" Habakkuk 2:3 (TLB)
Twenty-five
years ago, Pierre-Auguste Renoir was one of my favorite artists. I loved
the richness of his colors - reds, blues, greens and yellow. His scenes
of Parisians in the late 19th century were joyous and full of life.
Renoir captured humanity in all its beauty and it was what I envisioned for my
life.
In my early
thirties after I was first diagnosed with bipolar illness, I sat in the waiting
room of my psychiatrist's office and noticed that all the framed prints
adorning his walls were of Parisians and their colorful countryside. When
I entered the diagnostic room I saw all the framed pictures were bland and
uninspiring. I mentioned the difference to my psychiatrist, who replied
"all the paintings in my waiting room are Renoir's." I had just
framed a print of Renoir's Two Sisters on a Terrace which had a
special meaning to me and gifted it to Hogan Street, an old school
building in which the Missouri Division of Youth Services housed their worst
juvenile delinquents. Hogan Street used to be dark, dirty and falling
apart and the State had just finished renovating the building. DYS placed
my carefully framed and matted Renoir in the new library with all its books.
I wondered out loud to my psychiatrist, "Was there a connection?"
He just smiled.
Today's
sermon by our Pastor was titled "Learning to Wait On The Lord."
I had been thinking about the Renoir on the drive to church and what it
had meant to me and how my life had unfolded since then. Recently I have
been working hard on practicing patience. When I think of my dreams I had
in my early thirties combined with the challenge of learning to
"reframe" my mental illness in order to manage my thoughts, as well
as my lack of spiritual and life experience, I know now it was not time.
I was not ready.
Now that
I'm in my fifties there is a gratitude for my blessings and how many people
helped me on my life's journey to grow with God, but there have been moments of
despair and sadness. I think that many of us faced with illness, losses, and
challenges wonder why it takes God so long if ever to grant our wishes and
alleviate our suffering. I understand Muslims believe that God either
grants our wishes in our lifetime, replaces them with better ones or grants
them all to us in heaven. I believe this to be true.
My friend,
Pat, who counseled me in my thirties said to me in all her wisdom when I talked
of my dreams of love and processing messages, that maybe "I was rehearsing
for when it really counts." God wants us to dream, believe, and
create, but most of all to grow in spirit with The Lord.
Our
Pastor is wise in saying that we need to wait "with great expectations,
wait with integrity, and wait with confidence." Our Pastor’s sermon
resonated with me because it was true that life experience teaches us that
"God may be slow, but he is always on time." And his answer is
always better than we can dream of, whether on earth or in heaven.
"There are Renoirs in the Waiting Room."
