Renoirs in the Waiting Room

"These things won't happen right away.  Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.  If it seems slow, do not despair, for these will surely come pass.  Just be patient!  They will not be overdue a single day!"  Habakkuk 2:3 (TLB)

Twenty-five years ago, Pierre-Auguste Renoir was one of my favorite artists.  I loved the richness of his colors - reds, blues, greens and yellow.  His scenes of Parisians in the late 19th century were joyous and full of life.   Renoir captured humanity in all its beauty and it was what I envisioned for my life.

In my early thirties after I was first diagnosed with bipolar illness, I sat in the waiting room of my psychiatrist's office and noticed that all the framed prints adorning his walls were of Parisians and their colorful countryside.  When I entered the diagnostic room I saw all the framed pictures were bland and uninspiring.  I mentioned the difference to my psychiatrist, who replied "all the paintings in my waiting room are Renoir's."  I had just framed a print of Renoir's  Two Sisters on a Terrace which had a special meaning to me and gifted it to Hogan Street, an old school building in which the Missouri Division of Youth Services housed their worst juvenile delinquents.  Hogan Street used to be dark, dirty and falling apart and the State had just finished renovating the building.  DYS placed my carefully framed and matted Renoir in the new library with all its books.  I wondered out loud to my psychiatrist, "Was there a connection?"  He just smiled.

Today's sermon by our Pastor was titled "Learning to Wait On The Lord."  I had been thinking about the Renoir on the drive to church and what it had meant to me and how my life had unfolded since then.  Recently I have been working hard on practicing patience.  When I think of my dreams I had in my early thirties combined with the challenge of learning to "reframe" my mental illness in order to manage my thoughts, as well as my lack of spiritual and life experience, I know now it was not time.   I was not ready.

Now that I'm in my fifties there is a gratitude for my blessings and how many people helped me on my life's journey to grow with God, but there have been moments of despair and sadness. I think that many of us faced with illness, losses, and challenges wonder why it takes God so long if ever to grant our wishes and alleviate our suffering.  I understand Muslims believe that God either grants our wishes in our lifetime, replaces them with better ones or grants them all to us in heaven.   I believe this to be true.  

My friend, Pat, who counseled me in my thirties said to me in all her wisdom when I talked of my dreams of love and processing messages, that maybe "I was rehearsing for when it really counts."   God wants us to dream, believe, and create, but most of all to grow in spirit with The Lord. 

Our Pastor is wise in saying that we need to wait "with great expectations, wait with integrity, and wait with confidence."  Our Pastor’s sermon resonated with me because it was true that life experience teaches us that "God may be slow, but he is always on time."  And his answer is always better than we can dream of, whether on earth or in heaven.   "There are Renoirs in the Waiting Room."

"The Ideal"

“The human soul has still greater need of the ideal than of the real.  It is by the real that we exist; it is by the ideal that we live.”

-       Victor Hugo – French Author and Poet

Last Friday night as I sat in the upper deck of Busch Stadium watching a Cardinal baseball game, I experienced "the Ideal.”  The Cardinals are beloved by their fans and many believe the Cardinals are the best team in baseball.   It is not just because of the Cardinals' winning records and trips to the playoffs and the World Series, but because in our minds, they represent what is the best of baseball, "the Ideal."  For a few hours at a Cardinal game we recognize the ideals of God, county, a perfect field of emerald green grass, scoreboards lit up in the night, inspirational music, and the perseverance and sportsmanship of the players.

As I sat in the upper deck of the stadium that night, I listened to a children's choir sing "God Bless America" followed by the National Anthem.  Each fan received a Whitey Garden gnome and during the break in one inning, a fan guessed the top three vegetables planted in a garden.  In the last inning, thunderous music played as our closing pitcher warmed up with lights flashing all over the stadium symbolizing "lights out" for the opposing team.   It was surreal and real at the same time -  "the Ideal."

Plato, the Greek philosopher wrote that what we experience with our senses on Earth, is merely a shadow of the real or 'Ideal."  Some may believe I am an idealist and that my visions are impossible, but I am reminded that there are other idealists who have experienced the real and the surreal and together, captured "the Ideal" for the rest of us in a beautiful night at a baseball game.

It's A Wonderful Life

“Frank called me one day and said, ‘I have an idea for a movie, why don’t you come over and I’ll tell you?’ So I went over and we sat down and he said, ‘This picture starts in heaven’. That shook me. “ 

- James Stewart - Actor

For my Introduction to Speech class, we were asked to select a scene from a movie, show it, and follow with an analysis of the scene. I chose my favorite movie It's a Wonderful Life, which is a story of George Bailey who placed aside his dream to design great buildings and to travel, saved the town of Bedford Falls from an evil businessman, Potter.  At George's moment of despair, an angel, Clarence, showed George who "wished he never had been born," how his family and friends lives would have been affected.  After seeing "Pottersfield," George realizes how "wonderful" his life truly had been.

But there is another viewpoint of this movie.  It is a story of souls/people who kept George on track to save the town through the use of strategic interpersonal communication.  The pivotal scene that I showed in my speech presentation was the emotional confrontation between George and Mary, George's eventual wife.  After George's brother had married, George knew he would have carry on the Bailey Building and Loan and put aside his dreams again.  While George dreamed of building cities and traveling, Mary dreamed of staying in Bedford Falls, married to George, and fixing up a rundown house.  In the scene, Mary through music and shared memories tries to reach George who becomes angry and leaves.  George returns because he forgot his hat, and Mary tries to reach him once more.  The scene ends with George shaking Mary saying he doesn't want to stay in Bedford Falls, "he wants to do what he wants to do," she begins to cry, and he dissolves and kisses her because he loves her.

In our American culture, we celebrate the success and perseverance of the individual overcoming obstacles through self-sacrifice.  What we don't always see is that individuals throughout our lives intervene to keep us on track to create a "Wonderful Life."  I wrote in my blog entry "Synchronicity and God's Grace" about "Unus mundus" which is God's grace or energy at work.  I also wrote that while our humanity is mortal, our souls are eternal.

In It's Wonderful Life, George, Mary and the rest of the characters are not only mortal, but their souls are compasses connected to God and to each other.  If we can become more conscious of the eternal and of God at work in our lives, we can make the better choices for others and ourselves.  

In the concluding scene, all of George's friends arrive joyously to his home to save him from Potter and impending jail.  But the scene is was not only a story of all George's friends grateful for his sacrifices, but a celebration because, he was now "in on it." His friends through their souls kept him on track through strategic interpersonal communication to create "It's A Wonderful Life."

One Nation Under God

“I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God indivisible, and with liberty and justice for all.”

-1954 United States of America Pledge of Allegiance

I grew up in an Air Force family.  My father was an officer who served in World War II and the Korean War.  I was ten when he retired, but his military service and the generation of both of my parents influenced our daily lives.  However, I was also a child of the sixties and seventies when there was "flower power," the Vietnam War, and Watergate.    The free spirit of the sixties, women entering the corporate professional workforce, and the disenchantment with government influenced my choices.  I didn't fully understand the reason for my parents' dedication to discipline, sacrifice, and respect, but I had learned to be organized and hardworking.

My mother was especially dedicated to rituals whether as a family, church, or service in the military.  At that time it did not set well with me because I am in many ways different than my mother.  This was partially due to the effect of the changes of women’s roles in society and my intuitive theoretical personality, which was so different from my mother’s sensory-based personality.   My parents never discussed the "why" but simply "did."  I wanted to know the "why."

As I have aged, I now understand the why.  The rituals, the discipline, and the sacrifice were necessary to bring together the United States to defeat a horrendous enemy.  For my parents it was essential to be "one nation under God, indivisible."  They believed they would prevail in righteousness and justice with sacrifice by all.   They had to be disciplined to succeed.   Rituals, including kneeling in prayer, saluting the flag, standing at attention at the playing of taps when the flag was lowered bound the nation together.   My parents could not explain the theological concepts of God to me that I write about, but through rituals they dedicated themselves to God and a higher purpose.

Today there is disagreement on whether God should be included in the pledge of allegiance.  But God is love, God is righteousness, God is justice and God grants free will.   Those are our fundamental American values.   We are one nation under God.

Everybody Knows Your Name

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,

and they're always glad you came.

You wanna be where you can see,

our troubles are all the same

You wanna be where everybody knows

Your name.

- Lyrics from the Cheers theme.

Every morning before work I drop by Panera to get an iced coffee and breakfast.  Jenn is a small young woman with lots of energy that calls out my name when I enter Panera even when I place my order at the kiosk instead of the register.  She knows I'm selling my house and she always asks how is it going and encourages me.  Mark and Brittany prepare my breakfast and as I stand by the counter we discuss the weather and how our weekends went as well as our cats and family.  I commented to them one day coming to Panera early in the morning is like entering the bar Cheers.  Mark laughed and called out "Norm!" even though he is too young to have watched Cheers when it first aired.

I was talking to my sister-in-law Jan about my daily interaction at Panera and my comment to Mark and Brittany about Cheers.  She said the show Cheers was like a great community church.  Everybody loves you despite your idiosyncrasies and faults, is glad to see you, and knows your name.  When I think of all the characters from Cheers, I smile.  Great art and writing including television shows can make us think and bring us together as a community.  The show Cheers reminds us of what is important - each other.   I don't watch reality shows or crime shows because I believe they are superficial and overly dramatic.   Unfortunately they are influencing our perception of what it is to be human.  It is like asking if the chicken comes before the egg.  Are we becoming what we watch or is what we watch reflective of our reality? When does one start and the other stop?  

Intuitively I know what I watch and observe on television and in my everyday life influences my perception of others and therefore, my behavior.   It is wonderful that shows like Cheers, great churches, and people like Jenn, Mark and Brittany can bring us together and remind us of the importance of community where "Everybody knows your name.”