“It's not about finding ways to avoid God's judgment and feeling like a failure if you don't do everything perfectly. It's about fully experiencing God's love and letting it perfect you. It's not about being somebody you are not. It's about becoming who you really are.”
― Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Woman
I am an INFJ on the Myers-Briggs personality profile, referred to as the mystic. I am a person who sifts through perspectives evaluating my emotions and actions, as well as understanding the possible perspectives and motives of others. I am always seeking a deeper truth, but it can be exhausting. Another INFJ I know refers to it as the monkey brain – constantly swinging from one idea and perspective to another with a focus on understanding the whole. In addition. I was raised by a mother who lived in the 1950s generation that judged women on their social manners and appearance, and the perfection of their household and children. I learned as a child the importance of not making a mistake. During my childhood we did not attend church consistently and I never learned verses from the Bible. At the age of ten I went through confirmation, rote memorizing creeds without understanding. And I practiced rituals, including taking communion weekly confessing our sins before God. This experience left me spiritually empty and for years I never felt the need for God until I was thirty when I experienced a crisis. What did stay with me from my childhood was the beautiful Christmas celebrations at home when I was very young. My parents would attend Christmas midnight mass and ring the sleigh bells and play music upon arriving home. As a consequence, I moved through my life without a faith in God, but loving the joy of Christmas.
We often do not recognize the impact of the societal norms of our generation until later in life, and how it affects our image of God as either punitive or loving. In the last thirty years in my journey to know God, my perspective has changed, and I have come to believe that our focus must be on a loving and universal God or Christ, as well as a follower of Jesus of Nazareth. I believe as the Franciscans Richard Rohr and Ilia Delio do, that the concept of original sin “first put forward by Augustine in the fifth century but never mentioned in the Bible is damaging.” (The Universal Christ, p. 61). Richard Rohr points out that the creation story within Genesis is about beauty, and Genesis 1:31 says, “And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.” He also discusses the harm of theology that explains the crucifixion was required to pay a price for our sins before a perfect God. This creates an image of a judgmental God needing atonement, instead of a loving and forgiving God who does not require perfection.
It is evident as human beings we have done a lot of damage to each other, and as a consequence that pain reverberates through generations. But I would ask is it better to raise a child believing they are destined to be sinful needing atonement before God? Or to raise a loving human who will sometimes make mistakes that can have consequences, but can be forgiven and who is accepted as they are by God? Is it healthier to provide an environment where a child is loved, and taught how to understand their own emotions while reflecting on how their actions can affect themselves and others? Can a child feel loved, if they don’t feel accepted without perfection? We live in a society of human judgment. Is it also necessary to be judged by a punitive God?
I also know that when I was damaged, the witness of the love of God and acceptance by others was the healing force in my life and I am forever grateful. I have also learned in the process of my healing not to dwell on guilt of my own past actions that had consequences and sometimes hurt others, but to do better. This is to know the forgiveness of God. My emotions, actions and reflections will never be perfect, but God does not require perfection and what is in my heart cannot be hidden. I know God’s grace and favors are constantly at work in my life. And I smile now when he sends gentle reminders through others to do better. I know God loves and accepts me as I am and does not require atonement. My focus is to spread the joy and healing power of God’s love to others. This is to walk in the freedom and power of the Holy Spirit.
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