Reflections on Brittany Runs a Marathon and God Friended Me

“Happiness is not by chance, but by choice.”  Jim Rohn

Last Saturday I watched a wonderful movie titled “Brittany Runs a Marathon.” The movie brought home an important lesson to remember.  Brittany was overweight and lethargic, drinking and eating herself into emotional oblivion in New York City.  When she went to her doctor looking for a prescription to increase her energy, her doctor told her no and prescribed exercise.  After considering a gym membership she couldn’t afford, she slowly started running.  In the process she made friends, the weight started to come off and she decided to run in the New York City Marathon.  When an injury prevented her from running and she lost her housing, she moved in with her sister and brother-in-law in Philadelphia to recover.  She lost self-control and began binge drinking and eating again which led to an angry confrontation with a woman who was very overweight but was happy with an attractive husband.  When apologizing later on and receiving a response from the woman, Brittany discovered that focusing on the number on her scale or finishing the marathon is not the same as taking responsibility for her happiness.  She put away the scale, resumed working out, rebuilt her life and the next year completed the New York City Marathon.  The transformation of her life and outlook was amazing.

I was discussing the movie with a young man who is the manager at the Smoothie King in my town.  I remarked at the end, that the key was that Brittany took responsibility for her actions and happiness.  He smiled and said “of course, we can never control the outcome, but we can take responsibility for our attitude and actions.”  I was amazed at his wisdom at his young age, but then again, he always serves me with a smile.  I think that is what faith in God is.  We dream, we act, we count our blessings, and let God unfold the rest.  However, most of what we think about is how to achieve the envisioned outcome in the process missing the journey and how God can surprise us in the end.

This leads me to another show I watched this week – God Friended Me.  On Sunday, Miles who is directed by the God account on Facebook to help others in trouble (we don’t know who is behind the God account) is faced with a dilemma of going against his girlfriend Kara’s wishes. Kara is trying to protect her stepfather who is involved in a misguided insider trading scheme.  Miles discloses the scheme to a reporter and in the end Kara’s stepfather is arrested and sentenced to two years in prison. Although by reporting the scheme, Miles prevents a harsher sentence because Kara’s stepfather was getting in deeper further risking himself, his investors and his family, Kara is caught in-between not wanting to act and hurt her family.   In the end Kara, her stepfather, her mother and sister are financially and emotionally hurt but intact as a family.  Miles does not know the final outcome for Kara’s family, if Kara will ever forgive him, and whether he has lost her forever.  The show ends with those unanswered questions.  Based on Miles experience with the God account, it is never wrong. But for most of us direction from God on how to act is not clear and we know we are fallible. Our assumptions and resulting actions could have consequences for others not intended by God.  

My sister-in-law says in heaven, God will reveal all to us.  I don’t know if I am ready for that revelation because I would see the results of all my actions, intentional and unintentional, good and bad and it could be painful.  But I have faith that as I continue on my journey, I will become wiser in taking my direction from God and focus on the journey and my attitude, not the outcome.   The final outcome I leave to God.  

Faith Through Trial

 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  Hebrews 11:1

In my life I have a relative who is close to Jesus and the word in the Bible.  I love how when we talk, she can quote scripture that captures my feelings and thoughts.  As I talked with her recently, I had to  revisit one of my own lessons. 

She has a brother who has been very ill for ten years for whom she has been present through every surgery and hospital visit.  As she has aged, her own health has deteriorated and her ability to be the patient, loving sister is strained.  Her brother is again in need of surgery requiring a long trip to a hospital in another state lasting a week. She feels this trip will be too difficult for her physically, emotionally and financially.    Each time her brother becomes ill, she spends hours at the hospital and when he is finally released, she is drained and stressed and becomes sick.  Instead of deferring to her nieces to make the trip, she has been agonizing over the decision and her anxiety is increasing at the thought of her failing him.  This pattern is repeated with others in her life, including me.  She feels that she cannot set boundaries because she feels she must suffer as Jesus did so that others do not suffer.   This usually ends up with her losing patience or becoming ill.   Her brother has never completely turned to God through all his illnesses.   I asked her the question, "Are you hindering your own brother's spiritual journey with your need to be present for him in the place of Jesus?"

I live alone with my two cats and have no family nearby.  My parents and spiritual mother who were present for me during my early adulthood when I struggled, are long gone.  I am blessed to have friends who love me, but I try not to impose on them because they have their own families and lives.  As someone who has been alone and vulnerable, I know that ultimately, I have to have faith that God is always present with me, sustaining me, loving me in life and death.  I have learned through experience only God can be my constant because others with their human limitations and mortality  cannot be.  Faith has come to me as God has constantly answered my trials and pain with grace even when I have not deserved it.

My final questions for my relative were "Do you have faith that God can be with your brother when you cannot?"  "Can your brother also learn to have faith in God when you let go?"  I asked these questions knowing that I too need to let go and to have faith in the presence of God. 

Judgment and Vengence

6 They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. John 8:6-11

"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."  Romans 12:19 King James Version (KJV)

Last night during our neighborhood Raise the Bar group, the topic for discussion was judgment with a focus on God and the Bible.  When we discuss topics, the group leader passes around a list of questions to guide us.   One of the key questions was how could the God in the Old Testament who was wrathful be reconciled with a God that loves unconditionally?  Does God sit outside of creation or is God a loving force guiding us within ourselves and in creation?  Do we bring consequences upon ourselves because we are not living within the laws of nature and scripture?   Or are these consequences coming down from a power separate from us which is rendering judgment on everything we do? Is the ultimate judgment rendered upon our death? How do we as individuals hold others accountable without judgment?  As we moved into the discussion it became apparent that this was a complex subject that was influenced by our image of God and the judgment of ourselves and others both as individuals and as a society.  

In my mind, I believe God is not only the creator but the loving force that propels the Universe forward in greater wholeness and understanding.  One of the purposes pf Jesus' ministry was to demonstrate how  the love of God should be lived as a human.   To transform our world in the Spirit of the Gospels, we must believe the Bible passages that creation is good, God is loving, and that with God all things are possible.  For me, each person as a child of God with a unique soul and should be treated with that respect.   I am part of a greater consciousness and society that binds us all.  I am also responsible for my own actions and I have to be accountable as do others.   But when I hold others accountable, I know it should be without revenge or hate.  Why?   Because evil is insidious and works to dominate our consciousness so that we are consumed with hate incapable of loving others and revealing the Kingdom of God on Earth.  The forgiveness of the parishioners at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal in Charleston who lost loved ones in the shooting during a prayer group demonstrated their love.  Through their actions their community healed and was able to move forward with love while holding the shooter accountable.

As the Raise the Group continued, we discussed authoritarian countries and terrorists and whether the United States is a righteous country that God uses to exercise vengeance?   We concluded that our  long history of enslaving a whole group of people for economic gain and other sins it was obvious that the nation lacked the moral authority to be righteous.  Humility as a nation is necessary because if we hold a mirror to ourselves, we are have committed crimes against humanity.  We are credible with other nations when we aspire to higher values while holding ourselves accountable for our actions that do not reflect our values.

As an individual I know that I cannot judge my own sins and see my true reflection, only God can.   But I know my own actions and I have learned humility because of God's and others grace in the face of my own sinfulness.   God's healing grace and love makes it possible to move forward in my life and know his goodness always prevails even when I need to be held accountable.  

Unfinished Dreams and Visions

Three years ago I built a dream home inspired by a family I love.  At the time,  I believed the father and children  were going through a difficult time.  The completion of the house was an artistic expression of how I wanted them to feel.  I wanted it to be peaceful, joyful and a place of refuge. But as I completed the first floor and all the furniture and art was in place, I knew that this house, although beautiful was not what the children needed.  They needed the love and attention of their father surrounded by a home familiar to them.  Although I placed furniture in the three extra bedrooms on the second floor, I left the artwork unhung, the rooms unfinished.  

Last week I listed my house for sale with a contingent contract on a much smaller house on my street.  This smaller house has a beautiful garden and a wine cellar in the basement and I felt God was answering my prayer to a closed door by opening a new one.  It is a house in my favorite neighborhood that will serve me well as I age.

This morning I went to my first small Magis group of the year.  The group comprises writers inspired by God.  As we completed our free writing exercise based on a story of a king and a prophet that showed the king a closed door asking the king first before he opened it, "How far do you want to go?"  As I moved through the exercise I thought about how far I wanted to go, the unfinished rooms in my home and the unhung artwork.  I carefully chose the art in my home over many years with special meaning for me and the thought of parting with it hurts deeply.  My favorite art piece which I have owned twenty-five years is of a little girl and her mother outside of Monet's home in his garden in Givenchy.    Another  painting is of dinner party from the 1800s titled the conversation, the woman listening intently across the table to the speaker who is left unseen.  Another favorite of mine is a pastel painting of an arbor set in a garden on a hill in the country.  Not all the artwork will fit the personality and space of the new home and I contemplated what I would let go, what I would store in the basement and what I would hang on the walls. 

I had dreams of living on a mountain with beautiful views in God's garden with a family I loved.   But like our prayers we have to trust that God will answer our dreams in his own time and way.  My prayer is that I have the wisdom to let go of some of my art so I can let in new pictures  and visions for my life.

The Deeper Order within Eternity

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."  Albert Einstein

"I believe in intuitions and inspirations. I sometimes feel that I am right. I do not know that I am."  Albert Einstein

Deep within us we possess knowledge of all things eternal. This deeper order, the unus mundus, is  our collective spiritual consciousness within eternity.   In eternity, or Kairos time,  all the past and future is contained within the present. Humanity reflects this deeper order although we are unconscious of it until God reveals it to us.   God, the loving movement within all of creation, is propelling the entire Universe and collective consciousness forward lifting the veil separating the eternal from our humanity.   All that is contained within our imagination exists because our consciousness is part of the unus mundus.  Our soul is a focus of energy existing within a field of consciousness that is eternal.  This is why even when we are not aware of it, our soul is operating in the unconscious  influencing our choices.   In my early thirties I was compelled to collect gardening books drawn to the covers and the titles, not realizing the deep symbolism until later.

What we imagine and then focus on becomes our collective reality both consciously and physically. This runs counter to the western scientific method which often defines reality as static based on what we can measure.   But what we learn from science as it progresses, is that many past theories are limited, requiring us to shift paradigms and construct new theories.   Well controlled Psi experiments  have shown humans can be unconsciously aware of events before they happen and can influence outcomes through thought.  Quantum physics plays by different rules than Newtonian physics.  We do not begin to know how quantum energy affects our human body, consciousness and the earth.

It is incredibly beautiful and powerful that the unus mundus and our souls are so intertwined with our humanity.



   

Eternity and Open Doors

"‘I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut. I know that you have but little power, and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.”  Revelations 3:8

Recently I came across an academic paper on the internet titled "Psychosis or Spiritual Emergence."  This paper is based on a school of thought within psychology called Transpersonal Psychology.  Within that school, psychologists postulate that states of mind considered abnormal and pathological are actually normal and reflect spiritual states  within a field of consciousness that can be managed without medication.    

Dr. Nicki Crowley writes in 'Psychosis or Spiritual Emergence?,  "Medicine, psychiatry and traditional psychotherapies hold the assumption that consciousness is a by-product (or epiphenomenon) of the brain and cannot persist independently of it (the productive theory of consciousness).  The transmissive theory of consciousness holds that consciousness is inherent in the cosmos and is independent of our physical senses, although is mediated by them in everyday life. So the brain and the psyche can be thought of acting as a lens through which consciousness is experienced in the body."   This viewpoint in psychology supports my personal experience and  how quantum physics explains the nature of the universe.

My states of mind although varied, are often spiritual breakthroughs where I am deeply connected to a deeper order of truth and reality.  These breakthroughs have fundamentally changed my thought processes.  Because of these breakthroughs, I know that I am an eternal being that transcends my mortal human existence.  In kronos time (sequential time) what exists today is only what we are aware of looking through a window.  When we are connected within kairos time or eternity, we know that kronos time is the illusion, not the reality, and we experience endless views.   

Although our human physicality is a great gift where we see, feel, and hear a physical environment, it is not an end.  In kairos time I experience great joy because I am connected to God.  I realize I don't have to hurry, I can take my time and enjoy the fruits of my earthly existence because the good and true things in my life will always be with me.  This is the nature of eternity.

The Bible is full of quotes of a spiritual consciousness that reflects the true eternal nature of humanity, but it requires we read the Bible through a spiritual lens, not a literal lens.  In this quote above, I understand that although I by myself have little power, God or the consciousness that has no limits does.  The door to the eternal consciousness cannot be shut and God is always true and loving. 

  

City of Vision and Doors

“The only limits are, as always, those of vision.” James Broughton

In 2007 I lost my spiritual mother, Ethel to cancer.   Ethel had shown me unconditional love and support for my visions born of a spiritual awakening within me during the early 1990s.   Her death left me devastated and when an email advertising a Creativity Workshop in Florence Italy arrived in my inbox, I registered and booked a flight.   I was in a crisis of despair and I needed direction in my life.  I was just finishing my humanities degree at Saint Louis University and it was the perfect capstone course to my studies.

I was in Florence Italy for ten days in the middle of July.  It was hot and humid with temperatures in the 100s but I learned to navigate the streets walking by myself - drinking water, exploring the shops, museums, and restaurants.  I especially loved the gelato shops with their cold coffee gelato.  I purchased art supplies and a hand painted ceramic cat and water pitcher as my mementos and inspiration.    Unlike my business background, most of the participants in the workshop were teachers or artists.  Together we participated in creative exercises including drawing doors and windows we found in the city,  performing interactive communication, writing plays and poems,  drawing childhood memories and a legend of our hand.  During the workshop one participant remarked that I was pushing everyone to “go higher” in our thoughts.   One artist smiled at me at the end of the workshop.  She had been sitting silently beside me drawing stars.  She then told me I would be a great artist one day.   She pointed to her eye and said there are stars in our eyes and she then transformed the stars she had been drawing throughout the workshop into eyes.

When I returned from Florence, I immediately put together a memory album and titled it the City of Vision filling it with my art, writing, and photographs.   While most of the participants were renewed and energized from the workshop, I was exhausted from processing messages at higher levels (abstract and symbolic).  I didn't want to return to my job as Audit Director at Saint Louis University.   I visited the Career Counseling Center at the University to discuss my options.  The counselor, listening to my story asked if I had seen a door opening and I said no.  She smiled and said that maybe my job at Saint Louis University was not complete.  I stayed another seven years and I did grow and mature in my skills of auditing and communication including creating a vision board for the Jesuit’s titled Sharpened Sword.  I lost my job in February 2014 when the department was outsourced to save money and it was a welcome relief after fourteen and half years working as the Audit Director.   I have a natural organizational and process ability, but my real gifts and my love is in the humanities.

After my job was outsourced, my friend Lisa from my department suggested I go to a Catholic women's retreat to help provide direction.  I went, and at the end of the retreat, one of the participants told me I was a Christian voice for the 21st Century and that I needed to write.  So I went home and began this blog SacredSouls.  My blog was also inspired by a friend who asked me the year before to plan a garden.  My friend and I used to talk a lot about my ideas from my spiritual awakening in the early 2000s  and what we were going to do together, but I don't remember what I said to him. When I started SacredSouls I instinctively knew our garden was about God, higher consciousness, and communication.  I had dreams of communicating at higher levels based upon symbols and metaphors that offered deep thoughts that were more profound at an intuitive level, than those offered  in a verbal or written sentence.  In my City of Vision album I had written in the legend of my hand thoughts of God, love, family, metaphors, symbols, endless views and possibilities.  I also included the lyrics to "When You Wish Upon a Star" and had drawn the Star of Bethlehem.  This July, that song sung by Idina Menzel randomly came on my iPhone music library while I was driving. It played after I asked God for a vision during a metaphysical  battle I had been fighting.  My entire consciousness was filled with  the joy and knowing of Christmas expressed in the legend of my hand.

As in 2007,  I am now at another critical point in my life facing a closed door.  In my heart I wanted a partner who could see my City of Vision, garden, and celebrate love and family in a Christmas house, but that door has not opened.  I will be 59 in October and it has been six years since my friend asked me to plan a garden.  I am praying to God that a door will now open that gives me new purpose and direction.

Eyes See (My Creativity Workshop Poem)
An empty canvas
What would he see?
She approached him.
She sat.
What would he see?
He drew
Then pointed.
He said, eyes see.
I looked.
Eyes of blue
I see.
- E.A. Wakefield