Faith Through Trial

 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  Hebrews 11:1

In my life I have a relative who is close to Jesus and the word in the Bible.  I love how when we talk, she can quote scripture that captures my feelings and thoughts.  As I talked with her recently, I had to  revisit one of my own lessons. 

She has a brother who has been very ill for ten years for whom she has been present through every surgery and hospital visit.  As she has aged, her own health has deteriorated and her ability to be the patient, loving sister is strained.  Her brother is again in need of surgery requiring a long trip to a hospital in another state lasting a week. She feels this trip will be too difficult for her physically, emotionally and financially.    Each time her brother becomes ill, she spends hours at the hospital and when he is finally released, she is drained and stressed and becomes sick.  Instead of deferring to her nieces to make the trip, she has been agonizing over the decision and her anxiety is increasing at the thought of her failing him.  This pattern is repeated with others in her life, including me.  She feels that she cannot set boundaries because she feels she must suffer as Jesus did so that others do not suffer.   This usually ends up with her losing patience or becoming ill.   Her brother has never completely turned to God through all his illnesses.   I asked her the question, "Are you hindering your own brother's spiritual journey with your need to be present for him in the place of Jesus?"

I live alone with my two cats and have no family nearby.  My parents and spiritual mother who were present for me during my early adulthood when I struggled, are long gone.  I am blessed to have friends who love me, but I try not to impose on them because they have their own families and lives.  As someone who has been alone and vulnerable, I know that ultimately, I have to have faith that God is always present with me, sustaining me, loving me in life and death.  I have learned through experience only God can be my constant because others with their human limitations and mortality  cannot be.  Faith has come to me as God has constantly answered my trials and pain with grace even when I have not deserved it.

My final questions for my relative were "Do you have faith that God can be with your brother when you cannot?"  "Can your brother also learn to have faith in God when you let go?"  I asked these questions knowing that I too need to let go and to have faith in the presence of God.