"Forgiveness is the final form of love."
I have a print of a mother and little girl outside a house in Monet’s Garden in Givenchy that I have owned almost thirty years and is my favorite piece of art. When I first saw it, I thought it was beautiful, but I didn’t know why except that I was drawn to the shades of blue, yellow, red and green of the garden and house. As the years have passed, I have let go of other favorite art pieces purchased later, their relevance and meaning fading with the changes in my life, but not this print.
Our lives are tied up in lost or unrealized dreams and they speak to us in many ways even when we are unaware. The night before I turned 59 as I thought about the Monet print, my life unfolded before me in a reel within my mind as I remembered my choices and the consequences, I cried. I had dreams of being a mother, but the dream came too late in my life to have children. In reviewing the events in my life, I knew I chose unwisely who I married in my twenties. I was also caught up in circumstances outside of my control that consumed my late twenties and thirties. But I wondered if I had chosen a different path in college and my early twenties and followed my heart which is the love of the humanities, perhaps God would have opened the door for my soulmate and children? If God had been my focus in my early adulthood would I have known the person within myself who is creative and loving instead of the perfectionist with a need for control and achievement?
In growing closer to God, I have learned to separate my behavior that I am responsible for from judgments and imposed consequences on my life by others that are unfair and have put my life and health at risk. I have become proficient at looking at a situation from multiple perspectives so that I understand the possible motivations of others and to try to find peace with my own thoughts and actions. I have also learned I am responsible for my own lack of wellbeing when I chose not to walk away and let go of a vision and outcome so that God can send new dreams for my life and open doors. But sometimes I have let go and I am moving forward, something happens to remind me of my original vision. I am never sure what is behind the reminder and I wonder if someone is behind it with a purpose, whether it is a message from God of joy or if the message is just random and I need to ignore it and remember the vision is behind a closed door.
I have been thinking a lot about God’s forgiveness recently. In my life people intentionally have tried to break my spirit, make me question my sanity, or hurt me through others. I know I am not alone in this feeling. I believe actions taken by others with a vicious intent who now seek forgiveness, first need to ask forgiveness from God. Only God for whom nothing can be hidden including what is present in our hearts can free us. Until we take responsibility for our own sins and choices before God knowing only, he has the real power to show mercy and grace, no real reconciliation and forgiveness can occur from others especially those close to us. Although many would not agree with me because they don’t believe in God or his righteousness, I know this to be true. I believe only with the love and grace of God working with us and within us, can we move past our human imperfection and right our behavior.
When we ask forgiveness, let go of the outcome, and acknowledge closed doors, God can transform our past mistakes and dreams into a reality as beautiful as Monet’s home and garden in Givenchy. That is the power of God’s forgiveness and grace.
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