A Driver and a Gardener

Drive – “propel or carry along by force in a specified direction.”

Garden – “a fertile and delightful spot or region.”

This morning in my Ignatian Spirituality group, the leader asked us to think about a time when we were overly attached or dependent on a situation, and then were hung out to dry.  In Ignatian Spirituality we are taught to practice discernment in our choices and detachment in the outcome. As someone who is a perfectionist who wants to control the outcome, this has been a hard lesson.  

I am a visionary and a mystic. I find it difficult to let go of a picture and focus on the path in front of me.  Upon reflection I now know I need to find a balance. I still visualize an outcome, but I am present in the moment knowing God’s plan in the end is always better than mine.  I have learned that asking questions and communicating an inspirational vision or feeling is my gift, letting others figure out the path or solution.

I have been torn in the last six years between two personal visions, not sure of my path or next steps.  I have tried to take both paths without fully choosing. As I contemplated the question I began to write, “My thoughts are of a garden.  A metaphysical spiritual place lost in centuries past.  Where flowers and grass grow naturally and unrestrained in an informal garden.”  I knew that I wanted to plan this garden and create a beautiful sacred valley seemingly untouched by time.  But another path also calls to me.  It is the path of sowing love and community and helping others to break open the mental and physical boxes that enclose us.  To do so through reflection, teaching and writing.  For a long time, I have been afraid to share my thoughts out loud, preferring to write after being severely punished for my creativity, ideas and gifts.  

In our group today we talked about the fear in our country, in some of our homes, and in our communities that prevent us from imagining a future for ourselves and our world.  Poverty can be a barrier, but even in poverty one can still dream.  However, violence and fear desolate and desecrates our imagination both as children and adults.  Evil and endless conflict destroys hope and faith that there can be a better future.  

Today I traded in my white Honda Civic for a cosmic blue Honda Insight Hybrid. My cars have always been a symbol for me.   I love the diversity of our humanity and I believe in the power of God and love.  Today I decided I am going to be a driver who inspires, and I am going to sow a garden in my community.